


Dear Marzia

by OrangeRamen96



Category: PewDiePie - Fandom, Youtubers, cutiepiemarzia - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6672808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeRamen96/pseuds/OrangeRamen96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear Marzia,<br/>It's been 6 months since my last letter. 9 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days since I last saw you.... <br/>I love you.<br/>-Felix</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Marzia

Dear Marzia,  
It's been a week since I saw you last. I Keep finding more of your stuff around the house. I still don't believe anyone needs 15 pairs of shoes. Good lord, woman. I swear, I've only ever seen you wear 7 of them. Anyways, I got a lot of stuff shipped back to Italy. I didn't know what else to do with it. I kept your grey sweater, though. I'm sure you won't miss it. It smells so much like you. Puga-chan keeps sleeping on it. Edgar keeps looking around the house for you. It's funny, I keep walking into random rooms, expecting to see you there, cooking, playing a game, getting dressed, playing with Puga, smiling at me. It's so much more quiet here now. I don't like it.... Please come back.  
-Felix

Dear Marzia,   
It's now a month. God, how time had ebbed by. The bros have been so supportive. I've had these little care packages sent from all over. Mostly, they contain food or stuffed animals, but some of them... some of them have things with you. One of the bros sent me a picture they drew of you, and it's so beautiful. You're so beautiful. You always have been. I couldn't believe when you said yes, you know? Way back when I asked you out on that first date. It was so lame, just eating dinner while we were skyping. I couldn't - and still can't - believe you'd actually go out with a guy like me. You're so perfect. I love you.  
-Felix

Dear Marzia,  
Has it already been 3 months? I stopped counting the days. I gave away Puga-chan and Edgar. I mostly stay inside now, and just eat the food the bros keep sending me. Some of it is actually really good. I only make a video once every few days, when I can get out of bed. You used to be so good at that, you know? So good at waking me up and making me do what I needed to do. Hell, if it wasn't for you, I'd hardly even remember what games I'd bought recently. I still have that sweater. I use it as a pillow case now. It's the only way I can ever get sleep. My beard is longer now. Not too long, but it's definitely a few inches. I think Ken might start getting jealous. I haven't talked to them much lately: Ken, Cry, Mark, anyone, really. They have tried talking to me, several times. I'm just too tired to really play games with them. I stopped looking at skype entirely a month ago. My mom tried to stop by recently. I was wondering why she was here all the way from Sweden. I just stayed in bed, though. I don't really want to talk to anyone.... Anyone but you.  
-F.

Dear Marzia,  
It's been 6 months since my last letter. 9 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days since I last saw you. My mom finally got in. Apparently I was malnourished and that's why I felt so tired so often. They took me to the hospital and I was there for 3 weeks. Mom stayed there the whole time, holding my hand and helping to feed me. I didn't want to talk that first week and no one made me. I actually almost liked it. So many things were happening that I didn't have a lot of time to think about you. God, that sounds horrible. By the third week, I was healthy and speaking again. They took me in to see a therapist and talk about you. I told her how amazing you were, how sweet and funny and kind and beautiful you are. You... you were. I told her how I wanted to see you again and she nodded. I got upset that first visit. I screamed and threw things. They tied me down, because apparently I'd shoved a pen through my hand. I say that, because I swore I was stabbing... you. I saw you. I was so mad at you. How dare you leave me? After you told me you loved me? After you promised to stay with me? Why? What had I done? I went to see the therapist the next day and told her about how angry I was at you. She told me the strangest thing. She said it was GOOD. It was good that I was having emotions and putting words to those emotions. That was the fourth month you were gone. I was angry for 2 weeks and 3 days. Then I was sad. I cried constantly. There were times I couldn't speak or eat because I was sobbing the whole day. The doctor said that was good, too. And that soon I would be okay again. How could I ever be okay without you? I was sad for 2 months. Then, after 7 whole months, I started feeling... nothing. I felt stale and dried out, like there was nothing left. No tears. No sadness. No anger. Nothing. The doctor said it was normal, and I just needed to take a break. I did. And here I am, 2 1/2 months into my break and still... nothing. I feel nothing. I think nothing. And without you... I AM nothing.  
-Felix

Dear Marzia,  
Let me start out with telling you: I'm okay. Some days, I even think I'm happy. I moved back in with my parents after I stopped seeing the therapist 2 months ago, when I started feeling things again. I started feeling okay. I realized that you were gone, really gone, and I came to accept that. Cry and Mark have been there to help me out along every step. Even Roomie, Jack, and Toby have called and talked to me. I've started to slowly come back to YouTube. The bros have been amazing. They've been making me feel so good about taking my time. My subscribers surprisingly actually grew - to 70 million! I couldn't believe that number. It's so great. I found Puga-chan and Edgar. They're with nice people who send me pictures ad videos of them every now and again. I decided to let them stay, since I know the children of the couple are really attached. I still have that sweater of yours. I folded it up and put it in my top drawer in the back. If I have a bad day, I take it out and it makes me feel better, almost as if I'm with you. I... I haven't said this, but I'm sorry. My therapist told me it wasn't my fault and I know she's right, but still. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I made us late that day by slacking off. I'm sorry I drove too fast that foggy morning. I'm sorry I didn't see the ice on the road or that telephone pole. I'm sorry that by the time I woke up, I was already in the hospital. And you were already in the morgue. I'm so sorry. I know you'd forgive me if you were here. I know you'd shake your head and tell me to stop crying. But I just needed to put it on paper. Needed to let you know. I'm sorry. I love you. This will be my last letter to you. I won't ever forget you, but I need to go. I know I do. I know I shouldn't still be doing this. Thank you for every amazing moment we shared together.  
I love you so much.  
-Felix

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This just came up as a sad idea, inspired by "the lonely" by Christina Perri.


End file.
